When you travel, there are always certain hassles which are part of the whole experience: late flights, missed flights, idiots ahead of you in check-in counters or metal-detector lines, in-flight screaming babies, etc. After a while you kind of get used to all this, and it just becomes regular annoyances that you learn to cope with and (try to) ignore. Its obligatory “trip static” that has to be there. This week I went to Dubai for the third time in an eight-week period. In Dubai airport its usually a straight run to the exit after clearing passport control. Not this time though. I passed through the scanner thing beyond passport control, and the customs man motioned for me to step aside and put my shoulder pack over a small counter. He then proceeded to methodically empty the entire contents of my bag, meticulously examining every single item. Again, its just one of those things you have to endure when you travel, and its for everyone’s safety and everything, right? So I am cool with that. So far.

I was still cool with it after 12 full minutes of this crap. The guy totally gutted my bag. He opened my notebook, ruffling its pages downwards, scraps of paper and pictures that I keep inside falling everywhere. Then he started reading through my notebook. I am still cool with it. He removed my cellphone battery, then removed the laptop battery, then tried in vain to remove my iPod’s battery, but couldn’t of course, but I was too amused watching him that I didn’t bother telling him it can’t be removed (by hand that is). He then asked me to remove it, to which I said that I don’t know how to remove it because “I am a techno-moron, just like you”. Apparently this was a bad idea because he got pissed off and sent me to his friend for more searching. I was still cool with it. The guy led me into a small dingy room and instructed me to remove my pants. He then proceeded to put on a pair of medical rubber gloves. At this point I was no longer cool with it.

Okay..I have never been searched this thoroughly, but it doesn’t take much to figure out the next step in this series of actions. I remove pants+guy puts on rubber gloves= rectal examination. I said to myself %#&@ it, if they’re really going to do this, I am not going down without a fight. I assumed battle stance (which I am sure looks GREAT when you’re stripped down to your boxers), bared my fangs, and in my most intimidating voice possible I slowly said “What..the..#^@$..do..you..think..you’re..doing?”. He just smiled and frisked me, then he emptied my bag again, taking out every single banknote, coin and credit card from my wallet. “Do you smoke?” He asked. “No, but I am going to start smoking right after I leave this room”. They were looking for drugs of course.

Later I learned that Dubai was experiencing a sudden surge of smalltime drug trafficking, so they decided to tighten the noose a bit, and innocent travelers are picked at random. It’s all cool though. Like I said, its just part of the experience. If you decide to go anywhere, then grin and bear it. Just don’t easily give in to a rectal exam.