The Acerb Student: The girl in my Tuesday class is cynically obnoxious. She sits at the back, one eyebrow cocked in a perpetually inverted “V” and a single unchanging facial expression of scornful contempt for what is to her the shallowness of opinion and utter simple-mindedness of the rest of the academic weaklings who undeservedly have equal portions of classroom space. She responds to every single statement the professor makes (and he’s a top-notch academician by the way) with asinine usage of bloated vocabulary and silly arguments rife with obsolete buzzwords and zero-calorie statements. Please, lay off your fake intellectual angst and have fun with the rest of us.

The Seasonal Exerciser: Works out ferociously for about two weeks every semester. Comes in everyday for what I assume to be a two-hour workout, but I never actually stayed that long to verify it. He’s always in full battle gear: the elbow and knee pads, wrist wraps, gloves and bandanna. Works every upper body muscle he can see in the mirror from the front. Loads the barbells with too much weight, does a single rep, screams and grunts at the top of his lungs through two more half reps, then slams the weight on the ground and walks around the gym muttering something like “goddamn, I could totally lift this weight last week”.

To Be Continued…